Before I begin, I recommend reading this (and take the time to ponder what you have read):
http://www.aholyexperience.com/2012/07/the-1-thing-you-really-have-to-know-about-your-family/
A friend recommended this link in a recent blog entry...
I had been meaning to start this blog since my move and struggling with how to begin...
How to describe the complexity of emotions...
The lack of enthusiasm, the ups and downs...
It's not that I don't like it...it's just that it's not necessarily all I was expecting it to be...
My introduction, my beginning living here in my new home...
And here I am now. A blog entry reducing me to tears. And it hit me. In moving here, I had really been thinking it would be about me. This was supposed to be about me and my future. I wasn't supposed to come here and find need.
This isn't how I responded before, when going overseas. There I expected it. And I prepared my heart accordingly, ready to be open. But now coming home I do it with reluctance. I hesitate. I hold my heart close, drawing it back protectively. Loving here would be too hard. I would prefer to find a place where the people are deliriously happy...
And all I can do is let it go with confession. Perhaps not yet ready to truly change my heart within me, but at least to the place where I am ready to ask for such a change to happen.
To accept this time around it's not just about me.
God, forgive me.
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